jennyalexander

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZEZPs06Sgw  kärlek vid första öronkastet

don't question my authority, don't you just know it, how hard i fight.

i am at the point my head is spinning so fast i don't know where my heart is or might

filled with so much conspiracy and unwillingness there will soon be nothing left but fright. at the same time i feel optimistically up for the fight.

have decided i would rather be hurt with the possibility of something that’s often missed
rather than deliberately pretending i feel nothing which results in.. well nothing in the end.
pride intact i suppose.
though pride is not to be underestimated, the cost is greater than the reward.
in psychological terms, living in non-punishment rather than positive reward.
maybe it was called positive punishment?
so the choice stands between non-punishment with non-reward.
or reward-possibilities with punishment-possibilities.
with all honestly, it is the possibility of the punishment that makes my stomach flip.

 

i only ever even consider the options the propositions pose as for my private life. if it were not for my fragile state of standing on the line towards regrett that is such a pain i would throw myself out the window every day, no questions asked about the possible outcome.

 

why standing on the ledge summons such great expectations and longing for living