jennyalexander

we experienced technical difficulties
you held me like the smallest child
just a fifteen minutes drive to sanity but im not really into that
so like the smallest child, yes, you hold me

im not interested in others attraction,
or actually more interested in attraction than action
though actions speak louder than words the most important things usually remain unuttered
nothing is better than what silence is saying

Leave when its not well.
I havent talked to you for a week on friday, its almost becoming a game of proving
I dont need you. Take it to my own hands to perfect the present.
I can't wait to get into this.
My friends say im childish, I call it proving a point,
And now my mother is doing it too.

last night i stood among glass with a bleeding hand-
so moved beyond ability to help myself that i could have stood there until morning
for a few moments, about every two minutes, i tried to convince myself i had the ability to get out of the situation myself, but my common sense laughed aloud at a lie like that.
at last my self-taught lack of patience that craves action forced me to jump, so i did. i jumped with my bleeding hand and miraculously avoided glass and more blood underfoot.

will the only secrets we talk about be all the fears
and you refuse to fade away. i have to stay away.
i am afraid of their friends asumed hatred.
i am afraid of where love goes when its wasted. where it goes if its not tasted.
where do we put somting that would not have lasted?
will spite replace the empty hours, the silence not mastered?

Min tid går så snabbt. det är helt. HELT. otänkbart för mig att jag tog denhär bilden så sent som igår. Att jag satt där och drack te i några timmar med hanna. Det kan bero på att mitt liv är indelat i två "verkligheter". En i småstaden, en i storstaden. Det kan bero på att jag anstränger mig varje sekund hela tiden. Det kan också bero på att jag klämmer in aktiviteter tankar och intryck till maxnivå på en dag. Inte ovanligt att nätterna också används (för att komma undan den begränsningen så det blir DUBBELT så mycket). Jag tror att jag lever tre liv. Om man tar min pappas, min kusins, och min farmors liv skulle jag nog klara av att hålla igång alla tre. Jag kommer springa in i minst tolv väggar snart. Eller bli skittzzo. Ibland tror jag att denna stress till att "leva" beror på att jag undermedvetet vet att jag kommer att dö snart. Men det vågar jag inte säga högt.

Open hearted as a heart can be, 'Cause we're all in ruin like broken leaves.
I give you me in oceans of tears, up to my knees, stitched together like pants and sleeves
I danced from dusk to dusk.

Promise me that you'll cherish this tarnished offering.

And if you take me inside, and give me a place to hide and cry,
I'll bathe you in the crystal light, that sleeps between my thighs.
At times you fear the angle's sigh to the lord and heavens that this ain't right.
But in this chalice you'll find the wine. Our hands hold bonfires burning bright.
The heart is dumb and the heart is blind, but I think you'll find that the lord is kind.

Burnt silver brushed lavender offspring sprung from me when first we kissed,
You held me quietly a rush purged me of my past- opened a desert of diamonds vast,
glinting and a tiny chorus of swallows swing open the door freed the caged bees and wallows.

Tempt my werewolf not to run


///så himla fin : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AAY00ZyZt_E

//Jenny

understand on how i hope you will be worth what i gave up and keep giving that way.
sometimes you speak in your sleep. i wonder if you are aware of the secerets you betray.
there is not enough room in this borrowed house of cards for the will of my instinct and what may.
in a house of cards in a town where you stay or flee vengence is bound to appear as a day.
read quickly i will remove shortly, because presently the reason i speak quiet is that im more than quite prone to regrett.

nothing makes me put more trust and hope in humanity than the smell of fresh detergent from drycleaners airshafts in the crisp air that promises winter is coming. i breathe deep.
what i appreciate most about cigaretts and the cause of their existance between my fragile fingers from time to time besides their conveinient barrier towards humanity as a whole is the breath i take after and before my lungs are filled with the smoke that gives me such remorse at night i have nightmares about my death and the primitive realisation that i have such a silent short time on earth, whatever place earth has in the existance of the universe, because it offers an opportunity to appreciate cleanliness of fresh air. i breathe deep.

upon our return we regarded our treasures as trails to memories priceless.
but two hours later i could not imagine that i had slept every night for a week next to her and never been alone for more than two minutes,
though i noticed my abstinence from speaking every thought i had aloud.

in the place where we were told we would not get far if our furs were real// aka if we weren't fake.
where we were constantly asked what we were on, on e on what we were on. if it was because it was common to be on, or if we just felt we could act as we would without the need of a substance to set us "free" i couldn't say, but we avoided letters. all the letters but we and us. and alcohol. its been confirmed on too many levels for comfort i am an addict.